Intermission

I'm temporarily stepping out of my chronological recounting of the abuse to share with you a new milestone in my recovery. Last week, following over 40 years of secrets, I mailed a letter to my mother and cc'd it to my abuser. This was a huge step for me, in that for the first time since I suffered the abuse, I have finally told my mother what happened under her roof, and while it may not be face-to-face, it is also the first time I have confronted my abuser as well.

I penned these words shortly after mailing the letters, summing up my immediate emotional and spiritual impressions upon sealing those envelopes:

"As I come to accept the damage of childhood rape, so much I'd previously seen as my own personal failure, the outworkings of a cruel and demanding God or simply my predetermined God-damned destiny was none of these at all. Crippled by the abuse, I had little chance of ever meeting my unrealistically high expectations. Mysteriously enough, this epiphany frees me to worship, not curse, my Creator - my Saviour - my God."